Palermo Sign Kyle Lafferty – For Some Bizarre Reason

Chris Gallagher reports on the bizarre goings on at Palermo.

In what has been described as a ‘dumb fucking move‘ by every human being on the planet, Palermo president Maurizio Zamparini confirmed yesterday that the club have ‘sealed a deal‘ for that useless waste of space known as Kyle Lafferty.

The Northern Irish international signs from Swiss club FC Sion, where the striker managed to somehow score 5 goals in a known ‘Super League’. The league isn’t actually that super and 5 goals is a fucking awful return for a striker playing in a competition full of Grasshoppers and Young Boys.

Palermo were relegated from Serie A and have clearly set their sights on a mid table finish in Serie B with the signing of Lafferty. The club will also announce the capture of former Perugia and Salernitana stalwart Gennaro Gattuso as manager, as they look to cement their place as a pedestrian Serie B club. Gattuso was fucking awful as manager of Sion but that hasn’t put Zamparini off, as he looks to take the club somewhere they have never been before…..Serie fucking C.

Gattuso + Lafferty = Holy shit, really?

The appointment of Gattuso, along with the signing of Lafferty, shows that Palermo are looking to follow in the footsteps of former club Glasgow Rangers. By appointing a dud manager and bringing in shite players with absolutely no resale value, the club hope to mirror the achievements of the now defunct club and suckle at the breast of mediocrity for the foreseeable future.

In a country that has been hit with many a footballing scandal, they still don’t have an inside man within the Italian FA to help sway influence in their favour. The ‘Ogilvie Factor‘ as it’s known will be something that the club will need to work at with ‘special payment schemes‘ being looked into by the club hierarchy.

Palermo, who share their name with Boca legend Saint Martin, had a disastrous 2012/13, winning just 6 matches and scoring a mere 34 goals. Lafferty will be at home amongst players who score as few goals as Palermo do, as goalscoring just isn’t really his thing. The Italian referees and fans will love his style, which is a cross between ballet and ‘being a wank’. The below clip shows Lafferty at his best, a late cynical foul on a player from behind and then ‘being a wank’ and getting said player sent off.

Kyle Lafferty will take to Italian football like a duck to water….and by duck to water, what I mean is, he’s gonna be pure pish. The ‘Striker’ (I use that word loosely) was poor in the SPL and dogshit in Switzerland. He scored 31 goals in 104 games for Rangers and 5 goals in 25 games for Sion. It must be said, Massimo Donati and Fabrizio Miccoli both currently plays for Palermo, so if anyone can get the best out of Lafferty………nah, he’s a fucking rocket.

Actually, what do I really know about football? Oh, what’s that Scott…..?

How pish do you think Lafferty and Gattuso will be at Palermo? Comment below or tweet us @90minutecynic.

You can follow Chris on twitter: @TheGallatron

Chris is an avid Celtic supporter with leanings towards Juventus and Boca Juniors. A student of film and popular culture, he has an interest in politics and music. Inspired by leaders, his favourite players include Paul Lambert, Juan Román Riquelme and Alessandro Del Piero. Chris is the producer and host of the 90 Minute Cynic football podcast. You can find him on twitter @TheGallatron.

'Palermo Sign Kyle Lafferty – For Some Bizarre Reason' have 2 comments

  1. June 17, 2013 @ 12:40 pm NUFC_monkey

    I think w/ the fiery managerial tactics of Gattuso + the skill and athleticism of Lafferty Palermo will rocket straight back up into Serie A!


  2. June 17, 2013 @ 2:45 pm Bray Wyatt

    “It’s not the fear of what I speak, but the fear of truth brought by the speaker…”


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