The Dictionary describes a farce as “A light dramatic work in which highly improbable plot situations, exaggerated characters, and often slapstick elements are used for humorous effect” the word usually describes plays, films and perhaps incidents that occur in everyday life that are slightly beyond the norm however, since David Murray decided to abandon ship and hand over the reigns of the club playing out of Ibrox to Craig Whyte what we have witnessed is beyond farce, events have unfolded that could not have been written in the wildest imagination of the most ardent anti Rangers fans. If you had locked up the members of The Goons, Monty Python and Saturday Night Live in a room threw in Laurel and Hardy, the cast of the Carry on Films and Keith Lemon for good measure then told them to come up with the most absurd situations they could imagine they would not have come close to writing any of the incidents that have been attributed to Rangers over the past few years.
During the last week alone we have seen the current Rangers goalkeeper being charged with betting on football, the Rangers captains mum favouriting some “specialist” material on Twitter (due to a computer virus it would appear) and to top the lot the big handed Yorkshireman, Charles Green, being interviewed in a hospital bed by a fawning Jim White on Sky Sports News. While a post op Charles Green in a gown, hooked up to a drip, crying in a hospital bed may take some beating in terms of utter lunacy we thought it may be worthwhile looking back at some of the reports over the last few years that have had football fans laughing and the general public scratching their heads.
The Dallas Cowboys & Apple
Despite not winning a Superbowl since 1995 The Dallas Cowboys are the most valuable team in the NFL and one of the top 5 sports teams in the world so it was surprising to say the least when the bold Charles Green announced that Jerry Jones was considering a commercial tie in with a Scottish football club. This was around the time Green was on a paid for tour of North American Rangers Supporters clubs and promising them the world. Titbits like signing with Adidas, bringing out an Orange strip and stating that selling naming rights to their stadium would entice the likes of Apple who could call it iBrox went down a storm with the beleaguered support. This allowed Green to continue his bluster and lead to him shafting the fans for millions. Of course The Cowboys had never even heard of Charles Green and Apple decided not to enter a bidding war with Sports Direct who eventually snapped up the stadium naming rights for £1.
Send in the clown
As The Rangers fans knew they needed to raise money to help their club they set up a fighting fund. Unfortunately the web domain bluenose.co.uk belonged to Mr Custard, a children’s entertainer who was inundated with emails from fans wanting to make donations to the cause. It was pleasing that the fans were attempting to make up for their club shafting a face painter by throwing dosh at a clown.
Ian Black betting on his own team
It’s widely accepted that footballers like a bet, this episode highlighted the SFA rule that footballers in this country are not allowed to bet on any game, anywhere! While this may seem a harsh rule it does rule out the potential of a footballer making a killing on receiving any inside info. Perhaps a footballer being caught betting could have been excused a footballer betting against his own team is unforgiveable, unless of course that player plays for Rangers under Ally McCoist. Fans were rightly furious, the player should have been immediately sacked but no, Ally’s sanction was to wave a wee bit of paper apparently with names of other players who gambled and then to select Ian Black for the first team as soon as he had served his SFA ban.
Chuck’s Christmas message
Not sure what is funnier with this, the outpouring of propaganda from the Yorkshire snake oil salesman or the fact The Rangers fans fell for it.
AGM within tent
The Rangers AGM was going to be explosive, shareholders wanted answers, they demanded openness from their board so in an attempt to connect with the fans the board set up a wee marquee on the pitch held down with what appeared to be water barrels. As opposed to manning up and facing the shareholders head on they set up an easy escape route in case they had to head out. The club crest falling off the stage when one of the Easdales stood up to speak summed the whole charade up perfectly.
The Holding Company
We won’t even attempt to decipher this one. A brand new made up phrase that no one that believes it can actually explain. Something to do with incubators and Rangers actually being Kit Kats.
Rangers Ultras like to party all the time
A picture paints a thousand words.
The new team bus – pay to watch the video
Rangers boasted they had the best coach in the world unfortunately the fans excitement quickly disappeared when they realised this wasn’t an addition to the management team but was, in fact, a bus! The bus boasted kitchen facilities so team meals could be prepared on board which probably means there was a kettle so they could make Pot Noodles. The “Premiership level” bus was to be first used for the clubs glamour trip to Highland League Brora. Fans were invited to pay to watch a video of the bus and you can still read all about the bus on the club website . The bus mysteriously caught fire but despite there likely to have been an insurance claim for the damage the club do not appear to have reintroduced a super bus for the team.
Wealth off the radar
Keith Jackson coined the phrase to describe the funds Craig Whyte had at his disposal. Craig Whyte went from being a Billionaire with wealth off the radar, to a Monaco based millionaire playboy to a Motherwell based businessman. Well done Keith for the part you played in the big “dupe”.
Karaoke after the cup final
The Rangers after party had been planned. They would bring back the Ramsdens cup and celebrate at Ibrox. They lost to Raith Rovers but the party went ahead and their defeated, remorseful manager was photographed belting out the hits on Karaoke.
The League Cup semi-final t-shirt
The club reach a semi-final and attempt to squeeze some more dosh out of their fans by releasing a t-shirt to celebrate their achievement.
The £1m crossbar challenge
The first of its kind in world football, “a prize of this value has never been offered in this way in football” stated the club. It was a venture that was supposed to take pride of place at every home game, a fan could win a life changing sum of money, no one is really sure if it ever happened.
The Indian superstars and Hindi Twitter account
The worldwide appeal of Rangers saw them bring the brightest lights in Indian football to Murray Park for a trial. Such was the interest the club set up a Hindi Twitter account to report on games and provide news for the billions of followers. Sunil Chhetri and Jeje Lalpekhlua lasted about a week and @RFC_Hindi gained 194 followers.
The £1 Sports Direct protest
The fans group Sons of Struth organised a protest that would see them take items to the counter and offer the staff payment of £1. They forgot this was Sports Direct so when they took up a pair of trainers, three t-shirts and a set of golf clubs their offer of £1 was accepted and they were given change.
The Brechin hedge
The beginning of “the journey” a new adventure on the climb to the top. the match ball got stuck in a hedge, enough said.
The John Brown rally on the steps of Ibrox
He was a Rangers man, he invited people to his house to show them the deeds then told them to “get tae!” , he swore on his Grandsons life and he wanted folk to buy pies. He ranted, he raged, and he wanted to see the deeds for the stadium he played for, quite simply the best video on the internet. Gaun yersel Bomber!!