Best-ovic Pt. II
Let’s start positive and just take a second to think about Filip Benkovic.
God, he’s so great.
In the words of Jim White in the succulent lamb era of Scottish journalism: how come you are so good? Seriously, if anyone that reads this knows him, can you ask him to get back to me with the answer? Before I get started on Rogic/Benkovic Balkan fan fiction, let’s take a look at some of the big Croat’s recent quotes:
‘When people compare me to Van Dijk, it gives me confirmation that I’m doing a good job here. But I know I’m still far away from Van Dijk as a player. If you want to be a big player you can’t think you’re the best right away. You have to realise your own situation. You have to be patient, humble and work hard to take each step to the top. I can’t describe how happy I am to be at Celtic. I’m enjoying every second.’
How come you are so goooooooooood? It hurts how much I love him. If only he would see these lines…
‘At Celtic, I follow what the fans say about me and it makes me happy. They are unbelievable.’
It’s @PodestrianG on The Twitter, mate. Slide into my DMs like you’ll slide into Morelos on the 29th.
The Rangers AGM
Following the fun times at the Celtic AGM, Dave King was out to ensure that seriousness prevailed for the Rangers. In fact, he was in such business mode, that he refused to stop saying the word ‘company’:
‘Thank you for once again attending your company’s AGM.’
‘I have chaired public companies in South Africa’
‘The passion and commitment that our shareholders give to our company and, in turn, to The Rangers Football Club.’
‘The business and financial activities of your Company.’
‘Review the affairs of the company for the financial year.’
‘The Rangers Football Club Limited- which is a wholly owned subsidiary of the Company.’
And those statements were all in the first few minutes of his speech. What could be the reason for emphasising ‘company’ and not mentioning ‘club’? Hmmm, I wonder…
He stopped the ‘company’ chat pretty quickly as dog whistling to the masses can be a bit tiring, but did drop a couple more nuggets:
‘In the long history of the club (not company?) we had never performed any formal evaluation of what I will simply call the character of the players we were signing.’ Hmmm. Does religion count as ‘character’? Not sure.
‘In just over a year we have seen four Academy debuts in Ross McCrorie, Glenn Middleton, Stevie Kelly and Serge Atakayi- three of which have been under the new manager.’ Yep, that Academy player Glenn Middleton, who signed from Norwich this year, and Serge Atakayi, groomed for success for many years after signing as a 17-year-old. What an academy that is.
Away from Dave King’s inane ramblings, Steven Gerrard was obviously itching for a public flogging: it had been more than 24 hours since he had thrown one of his players under a bus and he had a fever.
‘Lee Wallace was out injured when I came in and had missed 12 months before then. I pay tribute to how Lee has gone about his business when he has been injured.’ Oh that’s nice Stevie, but please, be candid.
‘To be candid, as long as he’s here he remains part of my plans and he trains with us but I believe we have better options in that position at the moment. My relationship with Lee is fine.’ Got that, Wallace? Flanagan and Halliday out of position are better options than you. Enjoy the underside of the McGills, Lee.
The Gerrard Ramble – available every week!
Stevie G on his time commitments:
‘The majority of the film was done so the only thing I had to do was turn up for the premiere. During most of the film I was thinking about Rangers – points, mostly. I live for points. Points make prizes. Anything I do off the pitch privately, my head will always be on Rangers. That’s 24/7. That’s the reason I have these big black circles under my eyes.’ There ye go, Mrs Gerrard. When he is doing to you what we continuously do to Rangers, he will be thinking of what we continuously do to Rangers. I mean fucking. Unsure if that was clear.
‘This level you get punished. Individual mistakes you get punished. Unit mistakes get punished. Collective mistakes do as well.’Cheers for the breakdown, Stevie. ‘All mistakes get punished,’ would have sufficed, but it’s always nice to be reminded of the different kind of mistakes that can be made and whether or not they can be punished.
Gerrard this week described Rangers re-signing* Allan McGregor as ‘a stroke of genius from Mark Allen.’ An ex-Rangers* player. 36-years-old. His contract having ran out in the English championship. Some real genius there, Mark. How the fuck did you even find him? Are Rangers making you roam the planet alone in search of obscure players, like you are some kind of scouting version of the Incredible Hulk? For shame!
Oh and Steven Gerrard still thinks he can appeal yellow cards. So watch out UEFA, bloomail incoming.
Neil McCann felt he was on the verge of turning things around for Dundee (pfft) and that ‘outside influences’ were working against him. I mean I’m no scientist, but what about:
- The run of 7 defeats on the trot in all competitions?
- The fact that his only home win this season came in the League Cup against Brechin?
- Only scoring 5 goals in the league by the 16th of October?
- Getting pumped out of the cup 3-0 at home by a Championship team?
Could they have had anything to do with it? Hmm, I guess those technically are ‘outside influences.’
The Daily Record website deceptive headline of the week award:
Winner: ‘Hearts boss Craig Levein reveals his January transfer window plans.’ Actual plans: He has no plans. Having no plans is not having plans.
Runner-up: ‘Derek McInnes on how he ‘dragged’ Aberdeen up.’ Actual quote from McInnes: ‘we’ve dragged the club up to a level where it hadn’t been operating for a long time.’ There’s a big difference between ‘he’ and ‘we’ and you know that, Mr Record.
2nd Runner-up: ‘Aston Villa fans make hilarious change to Cafu’s Wikipedia page.’ What they actually did: they added ‘Brazilian Alan Hutton’ to the ‘known as’ section. Fuck all hilarious about it. Fuck Aston Villa fans. Fucking fucks.
On the wireless:
‘I think we should keep things the way they are, I mean why fix something that’s not broke… I’d maybe put Forrest upfront (in place of Edouard), I don’t know if you agree with me?’ asked Darrell on Clyde SSB. That’s right, Darrell, let’s not fix something that’s not broken, but let’s drop our record transfer fee centre forward and move our best winger out of position. Fucking tube.
The Record Hotline is also always wonderful fodder for this column and this week was no different. Let’s start in the West End:
‘Rodgers is a good advert for Specsavers. He sees nothing because he is too busy kissing his players’ backsides to see when they’re doing wrong,’ said Jim from Maryhill. Now, I have been away from the UK for a while, and I cannot presume to know what the level of TV advertisement is like nowadays, but I would never have guessed that Specsavers would be including bum fun in their ads. But hell, I’m not here to yuk anyone’s yum.
‘What a result for St Mirren and what a first goal by Adam Hammill. In any other league that would have been shown over and over and voted goal of the season,’ claimed John from Armadale, apparently unaware of what the ‘of the season’ part of ‘goal of the season’ means.
Finally, Alan from same old Alloa, always bleating said: ‘What I didn’t like was the sight of the Villarreal players high fiving each other after getting Candeias sent off. That was unsportsmanlike.’ You know what is unsportsmanlike, Alan, you know what…?