Hibernian vs Celtic: Match Review

Pink to drive the Bhoys to drink. In fact, for much of the game Celtic were reminiscent of a five-a-side team that were playing together the morning after the work’s golf outing: a few hungover, some still drunk. Shut up, you’re a forced intro… moonshine on Leith.

 

Yass, forty seconds in and Griffiths tries his first shot from animprobable distance. Couple this with the pink tap and it is surely going to be a good day. Hawd the bus, Rogicmiscontrols and Hibs nearly score. We’re wearing the pink tap, Hibs… fuck off. Tam, I still love you. Bebo me.

 

But, these early signs, like a 7 headed sheep in the Book of Revelations, were most definitely a bad omen for the almost champions.

 

Neil Lennon is very good at motivating his teams for big matches (and should have been given the Scotland job in front of my buddy Eck [sorry, mate]), something which we have experienced a couple of times this season, so winning the league at a tricky place like Easter Road was never going to be a foregone conclusion.

 

It was, however, a bit of a shock to see Celtic being so lethargic in the first half. Almost everything they did was slack and this slackness cost them for the Hibs goal. Gordon tried to chip the ball to Hendry out wide, but it was overhit and the young defender ended up having to stretch and header it on. It fell just in front of Rogic, but Stevenson showed great desire to come from behind and get to there first. The ball was swung in and Hibs were one up. Gordon and Rogic should have done better and it was perhaps a preview of the afternoon Tam was going to have – everything he attempted nearly came off, movements nearly worked, balls nearly resulted in goalscoring opportunity. He was only half good and my complicated feelings for Rogic were certainly tested. I’d say at this point that I love him, but i don’t think I’m in love with him anymore.

 

Hibs were by far the better team in the first half and Celtic struggled to make any openings. The players looked like a team that had already lifted the title and were playing through the last couple of games of the season.

 

Brown perhaps had his worst game of the season as hecontinously miscontrolled the ball, was outmuscled and lack penetration. Hendry may have potential and I trust Rodgers to unearth the diamond in the rough, but at times he looks every bit the Dundee player. Ntcham had an horrendous first half and his game culminated in a trademark wild shot and being hooked at half time. Griffiths was very rusty and a couple of neat bits of interplay aside he had no impact on the game. Overall, the players looked a bit shocked at the tempo and aggression Hibs were playing with.

 

From the 55th minute until the 2nd Hibs goal Celtic improved a little bit and looked to take control of the game, but even then it seemed half-hearted. Nice play between Sinclair and Rogic put the latter through on goal, but he essentially rolled the ball at the keepers‘ body. It was all very much like having a wank after a long day at work and pub: you don’t really want to, but by fuck you’re a man and you’re going to.

 

The first moment of genuine quality came in the 87th minute with Eduoard’s goal. But even then it was slightly blemished, kinda like an incredibly attractive woman that comes out the toilet of a bar with bogroll trailing in her high heels. Celtic moved forward swiftly and CalMac thundered an askew ball at Sinclair. The Englishman improvised and managed to knock the ball through to Eduoard. The young striker showed class and composure to drill past the Hibs‘ goalie and into the bottom corner.

 

But there was to be no final flurry. The game pettered out like… that time… eh… Andy Peters… left the CBBC studio for the day? Your face is a forced outro. If the purpose of a review is to outline whether or not someone should buy or consume an event or product, then i’d say stay the fuck away from a replay of this game and sack off Sportscene. In fact, gouge your eyes out just in case.

 

PS. John McGinn watch – needs to sort his hair out if he wants to play for the hoops. He currently looks like he’s in a Housemartins tribute band.

 

PPS. Only joking… I am still in love with Tomas.

 

 

 


Graeme is a Celtic fan living in Bayern. He was the original bum on seat 1, row S, section 113 and stayed there for 11 seasons. He now contents himself with Celtic TV. He was one half of History Bhoys Abroad and has a background in journalism. Tom Rogic completes him. He can be found on twitter under @PodestrianG


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